If anyone has been around me lately or near me during Christmases past, you know I am not thrilled with the holidays. For me, it is too much grief, too much missing. It is for me the worst of “orphaned holidays”.
Growing up Christmas WAS fun. We did the cookies for Santa thing (only it was cheese and crackers cause Santa had high cholesterol). We read the Christmas story. Decorated the tree. I was sent back and forth from my house to my god parents house with coded messages usually innocent enough but laden with sexual innuendo (it really was funny looking back on it!) and we spent the day with my grandmother and cousins…some of whom I didn’t see often.
This year is my first year with all of the family deceased. There has usually been ONE phone call to make at least. But this year, not so much.
So I am working Christmas eve and Christmas Day. I figure I can work and sleep and then it will be over! One can call me in denial or whatever. It is my choice and may keep me sane!
With all of that in mind, I did realize today, it isn’t ALL humbug. The following is a list I can live with:
1)I believe that Santa’s reindeer were on my roof that Christmas Eve when I was 5.
2)I think Handel’s Messiah is one of the most beautiful pieces of music ever written.
3)I like hot cider.
4)I stand and sing the “loo loo loo loo loo” part of the Charlie Brown Christmas show
5)Luke’s birth narrative warms my heart.
6)I love Christmas lights.
7)I love my stockings
8)Everyone seems happier
9)I can wear my Santa hat…if I can find it
10)I re read a Christmas Carol this year…..
11)I think it is cool that my parents were creative enough to have “Santa” call me every Christmas eve at 6:00pm. It’s even cooler that I never figured out who it was until I was a teenager.
12)I am intentionally making things quieter each year.
13)I say “Santy Claus” sometimes….I am from East Tennysee you know.
All will be well and all manner of things will be well.
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